Navigating Infertility: Our Story and What Carried Us Through

As we approach National Infertility Awareness Week, I felt pulled to share more of our story. I’ve shared bits and pieces before, but I wanted to give a fuller picture, both for those going through it and for those who want to better support someone they love. Infertility can feel so lonely, and it’s not always clear what to say or how to show up. My hope is that by opening up, I can offer a little comfort, connection, and clarity to anyone walking through this season, whether you’re in it yourself or loving someone who is.

Hopeful Beginnings

Our infertility journey began with the thought that this would be easy peasy. We’d been married for just over three years and were excited to grow our little family. I had the “what if” thought tucked in the back of my mind, but it was never something I seriously considered. Each month that passed without success slowly weighed on me, but I kept telling myself that the next cycle would be the one.

A couple of months in, I started tracking my ovulation. Everything looked normal. I was ovulating regularly, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but still, no pregnancy. While clinics typically recommend waiting a year before pursuing fertility treatments, I’m so grateful our doctor was willing to run tests earlier to make sure everything looked okay.

The First Steps: IUI

All the results came back normal, so our doctor suggested we try IUI. Intrauterine insemination is a process where carefully prepared sperm is placed directly into the uterus during ovulation, giving it a better chance of reaching the egg. It’s usually one of the first procedures attempted in fertility care and is relatively quick and minimally invasive.

We did two IUI procedures with our home OBGYN clinic. Both failed. With a kind hug from my OBGYN, we were referred to a fertility clinic.

I remember the moment our doctor said it was time to refer us to a fertility clinic. I felt like such a failure. It was an emotional step, but in hindsight, it was absolutely the right move. Fertility clinics are filled with experts who can offer support and treatments beyond what a regular OBGYN typically provides.

Moving to IVF

This was around October of 2020 and by then it had been a full year of trying to conceive. After starting with the clinic and running more in-depth tests, we moved forward with three more rounds of IUI. After those also failed, we were officially diagnosed with unexplained infertility and it became clear that IVF was our next best option.

IVF, or in vitro fertilization, is a process where eggs are collected and fertilized in a lab, then the embryos are placed in the uterus, hoping one will grow. It’s a bigger, more emotional process, but for us, it felt like an exciting next step. We took a little trip before starting, and it was the perfect way to regroup and prepare for what was ahead.

The IVF Process

The IVF process begins with an egg retrieval, which involves a series of injections and medications to help the body produce as many eggs as possible. This part felt a little daunting at first, but it actually went smoother than I expected. Trent and I got pretty good at managing the injections, and I was so grateful to have him by my side through every part of it.

Egg retrieval day came in early April 2021. We drove up to the clinic, and I was placed under light anesthesia for the procedure. Everything went well. Once the eggs were retrieved, they were sent to the lab to be fertilized and monitored for growth. Each day felt like a small victory, filled with so much hope and prayer that the embryos would continue to grow strong.

Hope and Disappointment

The goal was to have embryos reach day five, when they can be frozen and prepared for implantation. If I remember correctly, we retrieved somewhere around 20 eggs, but only four embryos made it to day five.

We were so hopeful. Those four embryos felt like our chance to grow our family. But over the next nine months, after three failed embryo transfers (one of which we transfered two embryos), our hope began to wear thin.

I remember sitting with our doctors, trying to figure out our next steps. With no embryos left, we were heartbroken, but also determined to move forward in whatever way felt right. Our doctors were incredible, so kind and compassionate. One of them shared something that really stuck with me: that while infertility isn’t a life-threatening diagnosis, the emotional toll can mirror the weight of one. You find yourself grieving the future you always thought was certain.

A Second Round of IVF

We decided that our next step was to do another egg retrieval and try once again. We went through all the injections, medications, and emotions a second time. This round, we chose to genetically test the embryos to ensure they were healthy and more likely to implant successfully.

The retrieval took place in January 2022 and resulted in two genetically normal embryos. So much hope was tucked into those tiny beginnings. We transferred the first embryo at the end of March. Our hearts were full of faith and excitement, believing this might finally be our time.

The Lowest Point

When that transfer failed, we were absolutely devastated. It was one of the lowest points in our infertility journey. I remember texting my twin sister Emma to share the news and just feeling so heavy. She invited us over for dinner that night. When I walked through her door, we all just cried and cried.

That’s when she quietly spoke the words that changed everything:
“If I can be the solution here, please let me.”

The next chapter of our story is one we hope to share someday from both mine and Emma’s perspectives. But I will never forget that moment. That day changed our lives.

The Support We Received

When our infertility journey began, we kept things pretty quiet. Slowly, we began sharing with close family and a few trusted friends as we tried to navigate this complicated road. Looking back, I can see so many angels, some who knew exactly what was going on and others who may have only guessed but still showed up with quiet compassion. Their kindness carried us through one of the most difficult seasons of our lives.

How Others Helped

These are a few things others did that meant a lot to me personally. Everyone’s experience is different, but this is what helped me:

• Being a listening ear when I was ready to talk. I’m so grateful for those who let me take the lead, who were there if I needed to talk but just as ready to distract me if I didn’t.
• Sending sweet check-in texts without expecting a response. Holidays were especially hard, and those simple “thinking of you” messages meant the world, even if I didn’t have the words to reply. Also, we received some very inspired gift drop-offs that were more meaningful than those people will ever know.
• Giving us the space to navigate events and holidays however we needed. I missed baby showers, holiday gatherings, and other celebrations because it was too much at times. I’m so thankful for the people who gave us grace without asking for explanations.
• On this same vein, holidays, like Mother’s Day were complicated. I recognize that these days can be tough for many, and each person experiences them differently. For me, as our infertility journey continued, it became such a comfort to be thought of and included in simple ways. Whether it was receiving a small chocolate at church on Sunday or being included in the Mother’s Day gift from my family, it helped me feel seen and appreciated. A special shoutout to my sweet mom and mother-in-law, who always made sure I was included in their Mother’s Day celebrations, and to everyone who thought of me during these moments.
• Handling pregnancy announcements with sensitivity. It’s the strangest mix of emotions, feeling genuine joy for someone else while also feeling the ache of your own pain. I always appreciated when close friends or family gave me a little heads-up before announcing publicly. A simple message allowed me to process privately so I could celebrate them more fully when the time came.

What Helped Me Personally

A few things that helped me personally through this journey:

• Having a support crew. Whether it was family, close friends, or even an online group, having someone to lean on made the load a little lighter. This is hard stuff, and no one should feel alone in it. Also, find someone who has walked this path to connect with. There is so much to navigate and it’s also something you can’t quite understand until you’ve faced it. I remember giving a sweet friend a call early on who had also walked this road and it saved me in so many ways.
• Practicing Gratitude and noticing the little miracles around you. I began to notice a divine pattern through our journey. Those moments of light reminded me that I wasn’t alone and that there was a greater plan at work, even if I couldn’t fully see it at the time.
• Taking care of myself. Finding small ways to rest, recharge, and breathe was essential. And letting myself cope however I needed to—because sometimes it just hurts, and that’s okay.
• Doing my best to still live life. This one is easier said than done, but I’m thankful we still made room for joy. We took the trips, made plans, and tried to soak up the good that we could. Those memories helped carry us through.

Finding Strength in the Journey

Infertility is not something I ever expected to face. But I’m grateful for the perspective it brought, the strength it revealed, and the long road that led us to our two little miracles.

If you are walking a similar path and ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.

x.o. Eliza