Raising Big Kids With Big Confidence: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Confident Kids
I’ll Always Help You Grow by Paige Payne Creations
A Question That Made Us Pause
“How can I help an older child who struggles with self-esteem?”
That was the question sitting in our inbox the other day, and it made us pause. Because honestly? We’re not there yet. Our kids are still little, and while we think about these things for the future, there are some people in our lives who are in the thick of this right now.
So, we asked them. And they had amazing insights. Practical, real-life things they’ve tried, to help their kids feel more confident, more capable, and more loved. And here’s the thing we realized: these are things we should be doing now, even while our kids are young. Laying the foundation early will make a big difference in the journey of raising confident kids. Here is what they said…
Encouraging Effort & Growth
1. Praise effort, not just outcome.
Instead of saying, “You’re great at math,” try “I love how hard you’re working at math right now.” This helps kids value their own effort and ability rather than tying their worth to a specific result.
2. Help them develop a skill.
Every kid deserves to have something, sports, music, art, coding, whatever, that is uniquely theirs. Something they’ve worked at, struggled through, and eventually felt proud of. That sense of accomplishment is huge for self-esteem.
3. Hard work matters.
Helping kids develop a strong work ethic leads to confidence and satisfaction. There’s nothing like completing a tough task well to build resilience and self-belief.
4. Learn about Social Growth
Our cousin (Sarah Florence Coaching) is a teen life coach and wrote a great article called 12 Steps for Social Growth. It has some awesome ideas for ways teens can build confidence in themselves.
Building Confidence Through Independence
1. Encourage self-reliance.
At home, this could be as simple as always putting their own dishes in the dishwasher. On trips, it might mean packing their own gear or even pitching in to help plan and pay for part of it. When kids take responsibility, they realize, I can do hard things.
2. Consistency and boundaries.
“Limits help kids feel safe.” Even when they push back, they need to know where the boundaries are. Daily routines create security and predictability. Even the most independent kids still crave structure.
3. Journaling.
Even one sentence a day has been shown to help. My sister-in-law started using The Big Life Journal (affiliate link), and has seen a great response in her family. Sometimes, giving kids the right tools makes all the difference when raising confident kids.
Strengthening Emotional Connection
1. Daily hugs.
No exceptions. Not a quick side hug, but a real, solid, long hug. At first, it can feel a little awkward, but it almost always ends with a smile or laugh. There’s just something about it that brings security and connection.
2. Call out specific attributes.
Look for and find the good in your kids and then point it out! Who doesn’t love hearing positive things about themselves.
3. Be intentional about your words.
Thoughts from my sister-in-law: “I heard this quote ‘The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice.’ No pressure, right?! But really, it made me think—what words do I want to be the last thing they hear before bed? No matter how the day has gone, I want them to fall asleep knowing, ‘You are amazing and I love you no matter what.’”
4. One-on-one time.
This is from my other sister-in-law said: “With multiple kids, uninterrupted time together can be rare. But bedtime is when they seem to open up the most, so we trade off tucking them in and just being there. Some of the sweetest, most honest conversations happen in those quiet moments.”
Fostering a Strong Spiritual & Service-Oriented Foundation
1. Remind them often that they are deeply loved.
Not just by you, but by the Savior and Heavenly Father. Kids need to hear this—frequently and sincerely.
2. Service is a game changer.
When kids are struggling with self-esteem, helping someone else is often the best cure. It gives them purpose, shifts their focus outward, and builds confidence in ways nothing else can.
3. Recognizing the Spirit.
Helping kids recognize and feel the Spirit in everyday life builds deep confidence. It doesn’t have to be in structured settings—sometimes, it’s in a quiet moment of fun, in nature, or in small, simple acts of kindness. Teaching them to recognize those feelings brings an entirely different level of confidence and peace.
A Note on Professional Help
Also wanted to note that professional therapy is amazing and another great tool in our pockets. If a child needs extra support, finding a good therapist can be life-changing when it comes to raising confident kids.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, let’s be real, parenting is hard. Really hard. But also, we feel so lucky to be parents. Our homes are places of learning and growth, not just for our kids, but for us as well. And when we mess up (because we all do), we just keep trying. Because that’s what this whole journey is about.
x.o. all of us
