If You Were Our Sister: What We’d Tell You About the Fourth Trimester
If you were our sister, here is what we would tell you about the fourth trimester, those first tender weeks with a newborn. No one really prepares you for those first few days. One minute you are holding this brand new person you waited so long for, and the next you are wide awake at 3am, sore and tired and so full of love it hurts.
We do not have it all figured out. But these are the thoughts and the little things that got us through, and we are passing them on to you with a whole lot of love.
The Fourth Trimester Is a Season
We come back to one thought again and again during the fourth trimester: to every thing there is a season. This is a season, a time of life that will ebb and flow and eventually pass. The days are long, but they are not forever. So soak up the good, breathe through the hard, and try not to wish any of it away, even the parts that feel impossibly heavy.
Your Mom Muscles Are Still Growing
Be patient with yourself. A wise mom once told us that just like we strengthen the muscles in our body, our mom muscles get stronger too. It takes time. You will not have it all figured out in the first week, and you are not supposed to. But day by day you get stronger, and so does your confidence. It takes time to heal in every sense, and time to get the hang of things.
Cancel the Plans and Embrace the Slow
Cancel everything and take it so easy. You will never get this time back, so there is no rush to get back to real life. Embrace the slow. Let the laundry pile up and the to-do list wait. Honestly, we just had a baby is the best excuse there is, so use it freely.
Let Your Village In
Do not be afraid to ask the questions, and do not be afraid to ask for help. When someone offers to hold the baby, bring a meal, or fold a basket of laundry, say yes. Letting people serve you is not weakness, it is part of how you heal. Your village wants to show up for you, so let them.
Keep Snacks and Water Close
Those first weeks leave you ravenous, especially while nursing. Prep some little snacks ahead of time, things like protein bites, cheese and crackers, and trail mix, easy to eat with one hand while you feed your baby. Keep something to drink within arm’s reach too. A BodyArmor on the nightstand became our go-to, because the thirst hits hard at 3am. Staying fed and hydrated does more for the long days than you would think.
Take Care of Your Body, Not Just Baby’s
It is so easy to pour everything into this new little person and forget yourself. Be gentle with your own body too. A handheld shower head felt like a small luxury in those tender early days. If you are working through the nursing learning curve, things like nipple shields, lanolin, and cabbage cream can bring real relief, and lanolin happens to double as the best chapstick and lotion when everything feels dry and worn out. Little comforts add up, and you deserve them. If you are still gathering the essentials, our list of baby must-haves for first-time moms covers what actually helped us.
You Will Feel Better
There will be a moment you are certain you will never feel like yourself again. Hold on, because you will. We promise. One day you will look up and realize you made it through, stronger mom muscles and all. This tender, tiring, beautiful season is shaping you into exactly the mom your baby needs.
Whatever part of the fourth trimester you are in right now, we hope these words feel like a warm hand on your shoulder. You are doing better than you think. What helped you most in those first weeks with a newborn? We would love to hear it, so leave a comment below for the next new mama who needs it.
-xo The Threads Between